“The Yesees said yes to anything
That anyone suggested.
The Noees said no to everything
Unless it was proven and tested.
So the Yesees all died of much too much
And the Noees all died of fright,
But somehow I think the Thinkforyourselfees
All came out alright.”—Shel Silverstein
“Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe your candidates aren’t the problem — maybe it’s you? You’re hard to please or figure out! You’re unrealistic! I mean, you’re pro-life, yet — (rolls tape of GOP members applauding Texas’s death penalty) — what was that? You’re afraid of ‘death panels,’ yet for uninsured coma patients — (rolls tape of GOP members shouting ‘YEAH!!!’ when Ron Paul was asked if a patient without health insurance should be allowed to die) — that’s the crowd: ‘YEAH!!!’ You guys ‘support the troops’ — well except for Captain Creatine over here (rolls tape of gay U.S. Army soldier who asked GOP candidates if they’d repeal DADT — and was booed by GOP debate crowd).
It’s like the Republican base is at war with its own talking points: ‘I want someone who’s gonna cut taxes — and balance the budget! Someone who’s a skilled orator — that doesn’t talk all fancy! The child of poor immigrants — who will build a fence to keep them out of this country! Someone who’s strong enough for a man — but Ph-balanced for a woman!
…It’s like your ideal candidate is a rare, super-heavy element that can only exist in a particular particle accelerator. And even then, only for a fraction of a second. Before you all remember how much you hate science.
You guys need to take a long, hard look in the mirror, and not come away thinking ‘Hey, there’s something wrong with this mirror.’
”—JON STEWART, on media-fed rumors that New Jersey governor Chris Christie may enter the GOP presidential race — as well as the hypocritical sentiments of the Republican party — on The Daily Show.